Chimera

I read the words but fail to understand them because my mind is wandering in the wilderness of your eyes. After half an hour of trying to concentrate, I give up and finally, close my book and lay down on my soft bed. I think about the last text that I sent to you and check my phone again to see if you’ve replied. The lack of reply disappoints my heart. I should’ve been used to these kind of disappointments by now but this crazy heart of mine still has some hope that one day you’ll realise my value and would reciprocate my feelings. I know that these are false hopes and I try to tell it everyday that the day you are so intently awaiting for is a dream but it never listens to me and gently pushes away all of my advice. I have developed a bad habit of checking my phone in every second. I lie to myself that I don’t check it for you but deep inside I know that every time I unlock my phone, it’s just because of a silly hope that you would’ve texted me. The pain inside my heart is slowly killing me but I can’t run now. I’m too tired from all the lying and running away I’ve done all these past months. I have feelings for you and I can’t lie anymore….not only lie to you but also to myself. I’ve spent a lot of awful days trying to deny my feelings but no matter how much I suppress them….whenever I see you, they automatically find a way back to my heart.

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