“Just thirteen days left”, he told me. I just gave him that grave dead look. He always do this. I tried to ignore his words but couldn’t. Me, my best friend and he was sitting in his car. Why did he had to bring this topic?
Thirteen days are quite some time but not enough. He was going after thirteen days. He was leaving me in thirteen days. I couldn’t bear the agony. The first time he told me that he was planning to go, I didn’t really take it seriously but now I know that he actually meant what he said. I try to be happy for him….I mean he is going there to make a better future for himself but I can’t…..no matter how hard I try…..I just can’t.
I will miss him….more than anything. How can I not? He means so much to me. He is one of the closest friend I’ve got and now he is going. Just knowing that I won’t be able to see him every other day gives me a pain….a pain that is unendurable. He says he’ll call me every week but I know he is lying. He won’t be able to.
I stopped talking to him, a month ago. We haven’t talked since his birthday. I knew he was going and I couldn’t bear it….so I tried to maintain some distance from him. By doing this, I thought, when he will go, the soreness would be less. My plan was going quite successfully until he came to meet me a few days ago.
It was my birthday and I didn’t wanted to meet anyone. I just wanted to be alone. But of course, my best friend came and after a while he also came. He was standing outside my house and I didn’t want to meet him but I had to.
I saw him standing outside. He greeted me with a big smile and wished me a happy birthday. We went out for ice cream. We had loads of fun and then we stopped near my house and sat in the car and talked.
Everything was going beautifully, like a melody, we were laughing and talking and, suddenly, he brought up this hateful and unwanted topic. I changed the topic and we started talking about something else. He has no idea how much I’ll miss him when he goes. I loved talking to him….spending time with him…..it’s just easy to be with him. Our frequencies match and it doesn’t happen with every other person (not at least for me). And now he is going….and it just hurts knowing that I won’t be able to call him whenever I wish….I won’t be able to spend time with him. It hurts me to know that he won’t be there next year to wish me on my birthday and talk to me when I need a friend.
I tried to get used to this distance but I will never be used to this. I know that he will go quite happily and everything will be okay for him but I am the sensitive one and, therefore, I’m going to be the one sobbing. I will convey my pain caused by him by going away from my life but maybe he’ll understand on his own.
I know that these thirteen days will go just in the blink of an eye, just like last seven years went, and the dreaded moment will come when he will have to leave. I have no idea if I’ll be there with him at that time or not but I know…….that my heart will be filled with pain and sadness at that moment.He is the person who will stay in my heart but not in my life. I wish the best for him and I want him to reach the highest of the peaks but at the same time I want him to be here with me….to laugh and to have fun with me. But I can’t have both, can I?
So maybe I just have to let go….let go of him…of all those memories….of everything.